Now after all that hard work its time for some therapeutic activity.SHOPPING!!!
Okay so I lie, it's anything but therapeutic when you have a mission at hand.
But what's a desperate girl got to do when she has only a few sad pieces of clothing hanging in her wardrobe?(If its not sad..make it!!)
First rule of the game.Dress wisely.
Shopping is a subtle warfare.Wear only the basics, leave the Lady Gaga inspired garb at your crib.
I can't stress the importance of wearing sensible foot wear. If you can run a mile in your high heels then I reckon you can go ahead and wear those out.
Put on clothes that are easy to slip off .Think stripper!
A big tote.Bottled water. And we are all set.Oh damn, almost forgot the most important thing of all CASH or CREDIT please!
Map out the targeted stores.
Find a mall that would more or less fulfills most of your shopping needs.Mall hopping is not for the amateur shopper.Best time to shop - first thing in the morning when the store rolls out its welcome carpet.Everything is in place(hopefully!), and the sales staff after a great night's of rest should be wrestling to serve you.(Far fetched I know but hey I can fantasize can't I? :))
Be shameless.
Gather the coupons for all the great deals.All that money saved= extra outfit.And trust me chances of bumping into the bitchy and snooty salesgirl in the streets are almost zero to zilch.
Leave the men at home.
Unless you plan to be whoring on a part time basis or buying tonnes of frivolous lingerie ,it's best that you leave that extra baggage at home.His choices of clothes well will be just that..HIS! And I swear if I chance upon any dude loitering around the lingerie department wishfully fingering pieces of tiny cloth no women is ever going to wear, I am clobbering him with my giant wallet.
If he is promising to pay for the spree, go ahead and grab that debit card of his and hit the shops!
Leave the helpful and nice friends at home.
I have lost count of times when I had involuntarily shuddered at the sight of someone wearing a hideous outfit but yet her moronic friends are giving wild nods of approvals , little claps , little cheers ,hurray! for one less woman our idiotic men are going to ogle at!And yet the poor non suspecting girl is non the wiser and sashays her way triumphantly to the check out with her prized treasure.If you don't have someone honest in your life then go venture the shops alone.No one's opinion matters more than your own.
It's crucial that you try on the outfits you have picked.
Trust me on this one.What looks good on a hanger usually just looks good on the hanger.
Do not gloss over the sizes.Go ahead and try one size up and one size down and one size right.
Long queue at the fitting room?(geez..did you not take note of the time I had calculatedly suggested?) .Worry not.For the tops , slip them over your own skimpy top. Ditto for dresses.
While on the fitting room subject... Girls..geez what takes you so long in there?Roost at home if you must.And tugging and pulling at that outfit is not going to make it fit any better.
Me , I am in and out in a jiffy.I have seen the approving and grateful nods I get from the poor shods in the endless queue.If there was a martini, I would be handed one with a gusto pat on my back.
Shop wisely.
Clothes in a bargain bin are usually there for a purpose. They are rejects masquerading as great buys.They are the tricksters.Basking in the warm lights of the store beckoning for a look.Stick to your guns and get what you need.
No the granny look will never make a comeback and neither will huge shorts with 100 pockets.
Some cautionary advice. Never shop when hungry, tired ,mad or if you are in some other bizarre mood.Only shop when you are happy.
The mistakes one makes when shopping in extreme moods is costly. Exacting vengeance on the credit cards is hardly the way to go.Have you not heard that Payback is a Bitch?!
When shopping and if something miraculously fits perfectly?Grab it in all available colors.A good fit is vital to looking great..Banish those evil thoughts of coming back for the stuff tomorrow, it ain't gonna be there tomorrow baby!
Get an outfit for all imaginable occasions.
Wedding(not your own so please step aside from that poofy wedding gown!)Funeral
Birthday Parties
Hot night out with a hot guy
Wild night out with your pals
Club wear
Ho wear
Beach wear
outfit to wear for shopping
Granny or any other old person comes to visit wear
exercise wear
New undies.Okay need some serious elaboration on this one.
Get nice undies.There are comfortable undies that look presentable.
Imagine you are out , strolling without a care in the world and a strong gust of wind blows up your skirt in full view of a street full of people.Yup , buy something that you do not mind getting seen in.Makes laundry day less stressful too.Anything remotely resembling undies that your granny will approve (and probably owns it in the hot colors of the season, beige , dark beige and grey!!! ) burn them!
Bras with extra ventilation holes in them are not going to be doing anyone a favor.If the thought of displaying your undies for the world to see horrifies you then you need a whole new set.
Stop living the nightmare.If the mere suggestion of someone rummaging through your drawers brings upon a heart attack, woman..for god's sake you can do something about this.
Women tend to grab the first thing they see in the drawer.With nice clothes you never have to worry about making a wrong choice!
One less worry is one less wrinkle!
By the end of this chapter you would be able to hold your own fort in shopping.
Frolick in some of the great buys you made and till we meet in the next chapter...
